24 August 2012

My Real Parents are from Mars

My mom is in a nursing home (temporarily) due to massive rapid degeneration from Parkinson's Disease which went undiagnosed for too long. She had an altercation with one of the male nurses in the center which my sister-in-law alerted me to. So I asked her about it today. The guy was a real ass, the kind that should not actually be working in a home full  of old incapacitated people because he has a deep hatred for old incapacitated people. He basically rolled my mom onto her side abruptly and yelled at her and then left her there in an uncomfortable position for 4 hours while my mom waited for the shift to change so she could find a nurse who would roll her back over. But here's how my mom started the story when I asked her to tell me what happened, this is the VERY FIRST thing she said:
"Oh well, you know, he is black and he's gay…so he's got issues."
If you were wondering based on previous posts why my relationship with my mother is strained, do you have any other questions? (And just to be clear she didn't mean that in a sympathetic it's-hard-to-be-black-and-male-and-gay sort of way, like us non-bigoted people might say it knowing that it's probably the hardest combination of things to be in current culture and society: black, male and gay. No, no. She meant it as a way of explaining the horrific behavior she was about to describe.

I have questions: how did this woman give birth to and raise me? Do I still love my mom? I don't know the answers. We're not close for the example given above and for many, many other reasons as well, which I am sure I will tell you all about in due time since I'm kinda on a tell-all kick. Am I going to call the center and raise bloody hell until that nurse gets fired? You bet I am. But listen, here's where I stand on the issue of love, respect and blood relatives:

Earn it. Like everyone else, earn it and be worthy of it. Or get out of my bubble.

I have anger management issues, I think I'll put that to good use today and make a little phone call. Even if my mom is a bigot and believes that half of the people I know and love are going to hell, the least we can do is show her the respect she won't show others and stand up for her when she can't stand up for herself. There. Now tell me I'm not a good daughter.

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