"Sweetie, don't put your penis in the truck"Yeah, so apparently he was putting his penis in the back of his toy semi truck and driving it around the bathtub. Parents of girls: this is what it is like to have a boy child. That is all. (Man am I in so much trouble when this kid is 16 and finds out that I told everyone on the planet (ok 10 people) these stories!)
More random funny stuff…
When Jack was a little over 2 years old he discovered a few things all at the same time:
- Mommy occasionally snuck outside to have cigarettes while he was otherwise occupied with goldfish crackers and Zoboomafoo on TV.
- It was fun to run out the back door while mommy snuck out the front, fun to come around the side of the house and surprise her.
- Suddenly the knife block on the kitchen counter was in reach.
So one day I'm sitting outside on the front porch sneaking a cigarette and I hear the distant sound of the back door slamming shut. A few seconds later I hear the very soft pitter patter of bare feet on concrete coming down the driveway and then there is a pause. I hear a small breath intake and exhale right at the corner of the house where the porch intersects with the driveway. And then I see this little hand reach out, only the hand, and this is what I see:
I think I screamed while laughing my ass off at the same time. Of course I jumped up and gave chase to my kid who is now laughing and running down the driveway with a big butcher knife in his hand.
Lastly, I'd just like to ask, "Why?"
Why, when I am an adult, I pay bills, I drink alcohol and make plans and do important adult like stuff like go to the grocery store, clean dishes and laundry, discuss house buying in a depressed market, watch the nightly news occasionally, have sex, vote for which president I want, get and pay off credit cards, went to college for 4 and a half years, talk to the gas company the phone company the electric company on the phone, ran my own damn theatre company for 15 years and toured the world 6 times, WHY then does the floor in the back seat of my truck always have to look like this??: