16 August 2012

What It's like to Have a Little Boy

Overheard completely out of context last night from the hallway outside the bathroom where Jack was having his bath, helped by Papa who says:
"Sweetie, don't put your penis in the truck"
Yeah, so apparently he was putting his penis in the back of his toy semi truck and driving it around the bathtub. Parents of girls: this is what it is like to have a boy child. That is all. (Man am I in so much trouble when this kid is 16 and finds out that I told everyone on the planet (ok 10 people) these stories!)

More random funny stuff…

When Jack was a little over 2 years old he discovered a few things all at the same time:

  1. Mommy occasionally snuck outside to have cigarettes while he was otherwise occupied with goldfish crackers and Zoboomafoo on TV.
  2. It was fun to run out the back door while mommy snuck out the front, fun to come around the side of the house and surprise her.
  3. Suddenly the knife block on the kitchen counter was in reach.
So one day I'm sitting outside on the front porch sneaking a cigarette and I hear the distant sound of the back door slamming shut. A few seconds later I hear the very soft pitter patter of bare feet on concrete coming down the driveway and then there is a pause. I hear a small breath intake and exhale right at the corner of the house where the porch intersects with the driveway. And then I see this little hand reach out, only the hand, and this is what I see:

I think I screamed while laughing my ass off at the same time. Of course I jumped up and gave chase to my kid who is now laughing and running down the driveway with a big butcher knife in his hand.

Lastly, I'd just like to ask, "Why?"

Why, when I am an adult, I pay bills, I drink alcohol and make plans and do important adult like stuff like go to the grocery store, clean dishes and laundry, discuss house buying in a depressed market, watch the nightly news occasionally, have sex, vote for which president I want, get and pay off credit cards, went to college for 4 and a half years, talk to the gas company the phone company the electric company on the phone, ran my own damn theatre company for 15 years and toured the world 6 times, WHY then does the floor in the back seat of my truck always have to look like this??:

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