21 September 2012

A little something to tide you over

I've been slacking on the blog, I know. But this weird thing happened when I got home from vacation. All I've wanted to do is clean and organize my life. And listen people, if I don't take advantage of that temporary insanity when it hits me, then before I know it it's gone and my house is a third-world-country-hot-mess for another 6 months before the cleaning fairy visits again. (<---satire. Just sayin'. I've been reading some laugh-out-loud hilarious blogs lately that are getting these crazy internet trolls with no sense of humor leaving completely vitriolic and inappropriate comments. Satire is WAAAAY above some people's heads, I'm learning. So I thought I'd point it out occasionally when it happens. But you guys are smart people, I know, so really I'm just preaching to the choir. <--satire. I am not a preacher and you are not a choir. Which...actually, that's not satire it's metaphor…? Please stop confusing me. Here's another funny one. Feel free to click but please come back and read my blog even though it's not as funny. Why? Because, you never know, I may give away some free beer in the next paragraph. <--lie satire. Anything is possible you guys.) Where was I? Oh yeah, satire. My house isn't THAT dirty. (Shut up husband.)

Anyway, my BFF had the opposite experience coming home from vacation. (We went on vacation together. To the same place. With a bunch of other people too. Click here to read all about what I learned while on vacation.) She is considering turning her snorkeling gear into a Thanksgiving centerpiece for her dining room table, along with a cornucopia and a gourd which she will have to procure to complete the look. (Personally I'd just put that crap away, less work than going out and having to find a gourd and a cornucopia.) I told her she should get an aquarium and then leave the snorkeling gear on the table, explaining to visitors that she sometimes needs to have a closer look in the tank. She invited me over for Thanksgiving. SO THAT'S WHAT YOU GET for being funny. Thanksgiving dinner invites people. Of course, you'll have to elbow the snorkeling gear out of the way to reach the smashed potatoes.

Here's another funny page that got trolled recently by what I like to call the H&M parent. No, that's not a trendily (oh wow, that's a word, spell check did not flag it!) dressed parent, it's the High and Mighty Parent who believes there is one way to parent, and only one way, and all other styles are damaging and abusive to your child and you are clearly raising an emotionally crippled little criminal if you do anything different from the ONE WAY to raise a child. As soon my temporary cleaning insanity clears up I'm going to write a blog post about these people. Until then I have to get back to my closet. I'm sorry. But look what I did - I gave you 2 other blogs and a microblog to go look at while I finish up cleaning. Just be sure to come back here when you're done with those other blogs. Because only I really love you. And I have to tell you the story of how I just got rid of 65 percent of my wardrobe because kids make you fat. And old makes you fat too I guess.

Oh and P.S. while I sort out why some links/images are broken on my site here is a link to the No Signs In English Facebook page. Sometimes I microblog there and sometimes it's even funny! Happy Friday!

P.P.S. Just so you know I did some research for the title of this blog page. I am not a complete slacker. And now that makes THREE blogs for your reading pleasure while I am slaving away on my hands and knees with a toothbrush trying to get the dirt out of the grout. I'm nesting and half my clothes don't fit me anymore. If I wasn't absolutely positive about NOT being pregnant I'd say I was pregnant. BUT I'M NOT. So don't go spreading rumors on the internets.

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